Well that's true! However, I have justification.
I was attacked by a bear.
After a lengthy and difficult recovery process, I vowed revenge for what had happened to me. I went out to consult a pack of Wild Cats (a bears greatest competition in the wild). It was difficult. I had to get into their pack undercover style (because they love to eat humans of course).
So I had to get a Wild Cat skin from our local taxidermist Walter Polinski.
Walter struck a deal with me that he would let me borrow said Wild Cat skin only if I brought the big bear down (The bear ate his sister, Gladys). "Deal!" I said, and we shook hands.
Drenching myself and my pelt in male Wild Cat pheromones (Because I really didn't want to be seduced by any male Wild Cats, my fragile woman frame would not be able to take it), I stalked my way up a large mountain, in search of my brethren. It was a long and treacherous path. Luckily I work in fitness and was physically prepared for said climb, but it was still hard. In retrospect I should have probably learned how to hunt to take the bear down, but I really wanted to catch that bear by surprise.
On day 11 of my climb I found my brethren. They called themselves Team Awesome (Wild Cats have a great sense of humor unlike their domestic counter parts). I was accepted into the clan by drawing cartoons in the dirt. Frank said, "We need more creative cats like you!" He patted me on the back with his large Wild Cat paw.
It wasn't long before I convinced my Wild Cat brethren to get up and attack the bear. I told them the bear had been stealing the fish in their river. "What's next," I said. "Will he rise up and steal your women too?! I say we kill this bear" The Wild Cats declared "Yeah!" Then declared war on the bear.
It was a long and terrible battle. We lost Frank, Jimmy, Marcy, and Francesco, but we defeated the bear. The Wild Cats got the taste of victory, and I got the taste of revenge. After the battle I informed the Team Awesome that I would walk the earth as a drifter Wild Cat. They all laughed and called me a bum, but I insisted that I needed to get in touch with my spirituality. After hugs were exchanged I walked back home.
So yeah.
That's why I haven't been posting lately. I should be posting comics soon!
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